Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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