What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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