After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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