My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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