Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize