i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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