Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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