trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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