i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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