LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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