Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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