Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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