He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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