mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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