I think I am morally bankrupt
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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