She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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