I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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