that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize