im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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