you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
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From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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