My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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