i think my tv is drunk
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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