i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize