there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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