I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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