So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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