my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
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I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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