So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize