Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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