I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
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Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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