please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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