There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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