Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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