I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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