So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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