The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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