Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize