if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize