If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize