So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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