I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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