I want to stick my p in your. b.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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