I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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