Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize