But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize