her vagine was all disorganized.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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