i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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