im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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