I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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