umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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